Ever woken up and thought today was gonna be the day? The day that everything goes right? The day that you lost weight. The day that you got an amazing mark on a test. The day you fall in love all over again with the same person you've been in love with for a long time. The day that you're going to be truly happy.
I don't really know why I'm writing this blog. Sheer boredom? Mild depression? Nah, I'm a generally happy person. Really, I am. I guess I'm just the type of person who needs to get stuff off their chest...so here I am, writing my thoughts.
So, what is happiness really? Can we really actually be happy, or is it all just a state of mind? I think we should just all stop thinking and take a moment to realize who we really are. We all think so damn much about what else is going on in our life that we lose ourselves. That we don't ever go: " Hey, I'm alive, I'm here, I'm a beautiful person."
So is that the key to happiness? Just stopping everything you're doing to meditate? Well, it might be for some people, but it seldom works on me. For me, I need people. People make me happy for the most part. Just sitting down and having a conversation with someone via: person, phone or computer, can put a smile on my face. And by "conversation" I mean an acutal conversation and not an arguement. Because that tends to happen a lot for me. What can I say..I'm russian. And I know that my "contructive critism" can sting a little, but it's in your best interest. Trust me. I'm a trustworthy person.
I will never see my friends hurt. I won't let them be hurt. I won't let them fall. I've always kind of been the one to pick up the slack. The mom. I take care of them, and really truly love them. They have claimed that my catch phrase is " That's morally wrong" And I don't think I ever actually said it until someone mentioned it..I guess he was mauching me, hopefully he didnt mean it in a bad way.
Despite all this, I'm very laid back..weird isnt it? That i can keep my friends in line, yet i step out of line. Not extremely out of line. And if i do it isn't a colossal, news worthy slip up. It's okay to lose control, just not too much control, cause that would be "morally wrong" as I would apparently say.
So, does this make me a hypocrite? No, because after my friends have bitched and complained and have told me what an idiot i was for doing something they didn't like, I realize my mistakes and apologize. A real apology. Recently, a close friend of mine and I got into a little blow out. One word: jealousy. I realized my mistake, and i apologized. He told me i was "decent" meaning a good enough person to realize what i had done and admit it and say sorry.
Seeing people i love happy, makes me happy. If they are doing something that maybe I don't approve of..(now I'm not talking about drugs or sex..no we don't do that.) if it makes them happy, then i'll be happy for them. If the person who this relates to reads this, she'll realize that I'm happy that she found someone that makes her happy. All i want is to see her smile, a real smile.
I started writing this blog not really knowing what made me happy. I kinda just let my fingers follow my thoughts, and my heart. And now that it's all done and written down, I've realized that what really and truly makes me happy, is making someone else happy. Seeing a smile on someones face and knowing that i put it there.
We all have our good and bad days, despite our mentality that we wake up with in the morning. The today-is-the-day one. And all we can do is stand up when someone is telling us to sit down. Let go of our past and our regrets, and smile.. a REAL smile.
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